The relatively recent spate of shootings in public places, including schools, and the U.S. Senate’s rejection of even a completely watered down gun control measure, has caused heated debate (again) about the Second Amendment’s “right to bear arms” clause. I know this because it’s my duty as a blog dog to observe and comment. Now, I’m no expert on constitutional law, history and interpretation, but my dad thinks he is. So I sat down with him this morning to interview him on the topic.
Flap: Exactly how did the Second Amendment originate?
Dad: Well, when Moses came down from Mt. Sinai, he carried 10 amendments..
F: I think your confusing our Founding Fathers with Moses.
D: Well, there was a resemblance..it’s an easy mistake. Next question?
F: Does every American have an unrestricted right to bear arms?
D: I think it’s unreasonable to expect any American to suffer through a hot summer in long sleeves.
F: I’m talking about the right to carry a firearm. Do you believe that more restrictive gun control laws would violate the people’s right under the Second Amendment?
D: I’m sorry. I didn’t hear the question. I was cleaning my .357 when it somehow went off. You weren’t hit, were you?
F: No, but I’m pretty sure I’ve lost 95% of my hearing, and – look! We now have a skylight in the family room. Do you agree with the NRA’s position on gun control?
D: I don’t know its position on guns, but the National Rhubarb Association has done a damn good job keeping the vegetable out of the hands of those who are allergic to it or who would use it as a weapon. It’s suffered a bad rap because people use the word ‘rhubarb’ to describe a fight. But I know it as a peace loving vegetable.
F: To preserve what little sanity I have left, let’s move on with one last question. If your gun was sinking in quicksand at the same time that I was about to fall over a cliff, which one would you save?
D: You, of course. Then I’d throw you in the quicksand and tell you to fetch my gun.
F: Well, I think your expertise has amazed us and given everyone a better understanding of what I experience on a daily basis. You may be a few rounds short of a full magazine, but nobody can ever accuse you of not consistently obfuscating every issue you address.
D: Uh..thank you.