My canine friend’s human companion is definitely one plank short of a deck. He told my friend that God had spoken to him, told him that the second great flood is coming, and commanded him to build an ark. He began work in his backyard, but the homeowners’ association quickly abated his heavenly work because arks were considered a prohibited outbuilding.
Undaunted, God’s servant merely altered his plan, and began converting his house to an ark. Again, the dreaded HOA stepped in and advised him that any house-to-ark conversions had to be approved by the Ark-etecture Committee, which would take a minimum 6 months. Because the flood was forecast in three months, he threatened the entire HOA board of directors, and was locked away in a psych facility. He must have really blew a gasket last week when a water pipe at that facility burst, flooding the entire property. In the confusion, while patients were being evacuated, he escaped and is now at large. Rumor has it that he got a job constructing ships for Carnival Cruises.
All of this excitement caused my friend and me to devise a short quiz that must be passed by anyone who has been directed by God to build an ark.
1. Come on, who actually spoke to you?
A. An ark-angel
B. A contractor from Arkansas
C. My spouse (who I sometimes mistake for God)
D. James Earl Jones
2. What do you know about ark building?
A. I took a workshop at Arks-R-Us
B. Nothing, and that’s why God chose me
C. More than you
D. I built a dog house which only leaks when it rains
3. What would you load into the Ark?
A. All the animals Noah forgot
B. My “Titanic” action figure collection
C. My meds and my shrink
D. Life vests for every animal, and Lifesaver candies for the really little ones
(For the correct answers, check with God). For help with construction, we suggest you consult the Bible to find the ark-etype.