The Vatican Can

Life is full of coincidences.  The new Pope was installed today, and we installed a new water heater.  So, while the Pope will try to extract the church from the scalding water heated by pedophile priests, we are seeking to get ourselves back IN hot water.  On top of that, our plumber’s name is Francis St. Peter, and he promised that our first tankful would be filled with holy water.  In the words of a sidekick named Robin, “Holy water heater, Batman, I am so tankful!”

Now I’m as tolerant as the day is long, and I respect all religions, faiths, faith-based philosophies, those with no religious or spiritual leanings, and especially those who respect the word made when God is spelled backward.  Catholics are great.  Any religion with the term “lic(k)” in it just can’t be bad.  But let’s face it, their church has some issues.  Today I found myself singing a song to the tune of “The Candy Man”:

Who can take a cardinal, turn him to a Pope,

Who can change the planet with a puff of white smoke,

The Vatican – The Vatican can

From that humble domicile they will deal with pedophiles in every neighborhood.

Who takes gays and women, keeps them in their place,

Who can help the poor but continue this disgrace

The Vatican, The Vatican can

Gay marriage, birth control, they will surely damn your soul, so repent real good.

A cardinal just flew in and landed on my dog house.  She (yeah, SHE…the birds let females in) told me not to be disrespectful.  She instructed me to say ten Hail Marys, five Hello Dollys and two Where Have You Gone, Joe DiMaggios.  Heaven help me.  Meanwhile, think I’ll take a hot shower.

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