Can’t say I didn’t expect this. In a society where media sources will kill to be the first with a breaking story, it was just bound to happen. Yesterday, I posted a response to the cat-hero story out of Bakersfield. I very politely and respectfully pointed out that cat-heroes are unlikely and that there may have been more to that story out of Bakersfield than meets the eye.
After I posted, I received a call from an old canine ‘friend’ who engaged me in a discussion about cats. In retrospect, he was intentionally trying to push my buttons and elicit some angry comments from me about cats being a scourge to society. Well, it didn’t work..at least not exactly. I merely told him that we all have to learn to live with each other in peace and harmony, even if some of us are on the lower end of earthly existence, like cats. I didn’t know that he was taping the conversation. I didn’t know he would later leak the tape to CNN (Cat-Nip Network). I didn’t know that my old friend would resort to back-stabbing and go all Judas Iscariot on me, just for a kick-back of a few chew toys .
So, now every news outlet has the story, and I have been portrayed as a cat-hating bigot of the lowest order. It’s truly unbelievable how fast the wheels start spinning. Yesterday when I was in Los Angeles, I went to my favorite grooming salon – The L.A. Clippers. They refused to serve me because of my comments. This morning, I was informed by the community home owners association that I was banned from all local parks. The local pet supply store has prohibited my presence. The AKC is fining me 1500 dog biscuits and is permanently removing my name from its registry. My book publisher has renounced its association with me. Why? Because everyone has quickly jumped on the bandwagon and labeled me guilty of species-ism.
First, I take offense with the phone conversation being taped without my knowledge or consent. Secondly, some of my best friends are of different species. In fact, I’m a ‘sterling’ example of inter-species inclusionism. When I was a pup, lost in a forest, I befriended all manner of species, from ducks to porcupines (although, I must say that the latter was a prickly relationship). and I maintain those friendships to this day. Additionally, I associate with cats on a routine basis. True, they come into my yard uninvited and are too nimble for me to catch them, but it’s an association nonetheless.
My stellar reputation has been besmirched. Another dog in my place might be stunned by these events and sit around in a catatonic state. Not me. I intend to fight. I am filing numerous lawsuits, and I have a fool-proof strategy which will ensure my victory. I would tell you what it is, but I’m not letting the cat out of the bag. I’ve said too much already.