While it may be true that my existence primarily involves eating, sleeping, writing, adventure-seeking and coping with the absurd antics of my human family, I am certainly not oblivious to the geopolitical events in my community.

In our little corner of the world, neighbors have historically enjoyed a tenuous peace with only occasional dust-ups, usually instigated by my naively provocative dad.  But in recent months, two households have threatened to tip the peaceful balance.

The first of these is headed by a patriarch named Vladimir Crouton.  He owns a huge, residence on many acres atop a hill.  He has money, political influence and a defiance matched only by his immense ego.  He has drawn attention to himself by riding horseback shirtless (Crouton AND the horse), through the neighborhood, and engaging in martial arts competitions with any comers who are physically inept.  Through a combination of financial manipulation (i.e. bribes) and credible threats, he has managed to assume unprecedented power in the community.

At a recent community party, a female rock group named Feline Fracas was performing.  They used some racy language in a song which satirically poked fun at Crouton.  He used his influence to have them arrested on some trumped up charge.  Later, he threw his own party.  He spent untold thousands at his estate, brought in tons of snow on which partiers could cavort, and even saw to it that the Feline Fracas members were released from their unjust incarceration.  Crouton was the toast of the town.  All this, of course, was to improve his image.  Then it all fell apart.  After the party, he proceeded to annex the adjacent property.  He allowed the owners to remain, but they had to promise unqualified allegiance to Crouton.  The annexed neighbors, of course, could have asserted their legal rights, but they didn’t dare.  And, as the police and homeowners’ association are either in his back pocket or are apoplectic in the face of such power, Crouton feels sufficiently empowered to set his sights on other properties in the area.

The second household is headed by a lady (although her gender is in question) named Kim Jonung.  She owns a property which was once part of a larger landholding until it was partitioned.  Kim now owns the northern portion, and her estranged family owns the southern property.  By all accounts, Kim is a megalomaniacal, power-hungry, militant psychopath..but otherwise, a nice young lady.  She had her uncle executed because he forgot to kiss her feet, but she did so with courtesy and decorum.  The community is concerned because she has threatened neighborhood annihilation and has detonated nuclear devices under the community lake to back her threats.  Unlike Crouton, she has no apparent motives for her conduct.

Sanctions against these two miscreants have thus far been unsuccessful.  So, here we are.  I have stayed apprised of these troubled areas as events have developed.  But I’ll postpone any direct involvement until we are truly on the brink.  In the meantime, I’ve got more important fish to fry…like some small issue in the mideast portion of our community.