The homeowners’ association (HOA) in our neighborhood was contacted by certain of my neighbors.  Their complaint?  I had allegedly micturated repeatedly on certain yards, having targeted them for special treatment because I disagreed with the political views of the property owners.  Thus, I had violated the HOA’s IRS (irrigation regulatory scheme) rules and policies.  The neighbors went directly after my dad, as the buck stops with him for any and all of my misdeeds.

They demanded to know exactly what my dad knew about my allegedly nefarious activities, when he gained any such knowledge, and whether he directed, allowed or neglected to preclude my targeted urination practices.  It was insufficient in the eyes of these neighbors that Dad relieved me from relieving myself in any but my own yard after the complaint was filed.  They wanted his head on a stick (actually, I can relate to this desire, but I’d never admit it).  And so, they have demanded a formal investigation by the HOA.

My dad certainly has loftier and more important things to accomplish than to defend himself over something his dog did.  But it comes with the territory.  In fact, I have a record of embroiling him in issues he had never foreseen, and I’m quite proud of it.  Still, I can’t help but sympathize with his plight.

I have been subpoenaed by the HOA to testify about this unfortunate state of affairs.  I could claim 5th Amendment privileges, but I will not hide.  Anyone who knows me can attest that I would never urinate at a specific location because Dad so directed.  In fact, when this has happened in the past, I peed on his foot.  So, they will find that I acted independently, but they will also find that Dad, as my supreme ruler and master, is ultimately responsible for my behavior.  In short, he’s going down unless there is a groundswell of support in his favor.  I will lead the charge.  It’s the least I can do.