The pet store I frequent has lowered its standards by stocking checkout stands with tabloids, much like those found in supermarkets.  I am understandably appalled.  I thought dogs and their companions were many levels above this tripe, but I am apparently as wrong as the stories in these rags.  The publications are selling like proverbial hotcakes (not to be confused with Flapjacks).

Solely for the purposes of research, I thumbed (yeah, I know, no opposable thumbs, but just go with it), through the latest edition of one of these stellar examples of American journalism called The Dish On Dogs.  Like most readers, I was attracted by the headlines, but then had a “Aw, c’mon, man” response when I read the stories.  Here are a few examples:

Headline:  Secret Chemical-Producing Lab Uncovered By Government Officials

Story:  County animal control officers responded to a report of a Labrador Retriever being hidden in a ‘no dogs allowed’ condo.  They found the lab being hidden under a blanket.  The dog was producing an inordinate amount of stress-producing hormones.

Headline:  Dog Sues “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” Songwriter for $50 Million.

Story:  An Australian Shepherd in Napa, CA, who has been herding sheep through the vineyards for 12 years, claims that he was the inspiration for the song and deserves a cut.

Headline:  Golden Retriever Has 100% Cancer Detection Success!

Story:  The dog wags its tail (a sign!!) at every patient he visits…at the chemo treatment room at a local hospital.

Headline:  Chihuahua Calls 911 – Saves Owner Who Suffered Heart Attack

Story:  OK, this one is true.  But I still think he meant to dial 411 for the number of the nearest delivery pizza.

You get the idea.  Now, I like being entertained as much as the next Aussie, but I don’t like spending my hard-earned dog biscuits being duped by unscrupulous pseudo-journalistic manipulators preying on those at checkout counters who are short on time and long on gullibility.  I know…1st Amendment, freedom of the press, buyer beware, carpe diem, keep hydrated, and all that crap.  Well, I don’t buy it.  Literally.  The point is, it’s getting more difficult to ascertain news from entertainment…take this blog for instance…  Um, yeah..it’s all good.