Dog Consumed By Alien Tabloid!!

The pet store I frequent has lowered its standards by stocking checkout stands with tabloids, much like those found in supermarkets.  I am understandably appalled.  I thought dogs and their companions were many levels above this tripe, but I am apparently as wrong as the stories in these rags.  The publications are selling like proverbial hotcakes (not to be confused with Flapjacks).

Solely for the purposes of research, I thumbed (yeah, I know, no opposable thumbs, but just go with it), through the latest edition of one of these stellar examples of American journalism called The Dish On Dogs.  Like most readers, I was attracted by the headlines, but then had a “Aw, c’mon, man” response when I read the stories.  Here are a few examples:

Headline:  Secret Chemical-Producing Lab Uncovered By Government Officials

Story:  County animal control officers responded to a report of a Labrador Retriever being hidden in a ‘no dogs allowed’ condo.  They found the lab being hidden under a blanket.  The dog was producing an inordinate amount of stress-producing hormones.

Headline:  Dog Sues “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” Songwriter for $50 Million.

Story:  An Australian Shepherd in Napa, CA, who has been herding sheep through the vineyards for 12 years, claims that he was the inspiration for the song and deserves a cut.

Headline:  Golden Retriever Has 100% Cancer Detection Success!

Story:  The dog wags its tail (a sign!!) at every patient he visits…at the chemo treatment room at a local hospital.

Headline:  Chihuahua Calls 911 – Saves Owner Who Suffered Heart Attack

Story:  OK, this one is true.  But I still think he meant to dial 411 for the number of the nearest delivery pizza.

You get the idea.  Now, I like being entertained as much as the next Aussie, but I don’t like spending my hard-earned dog biscuits being duped by unscrupulous pseudo-journalistic manipulators preying on those at checkout counters who are short on time and long on gullibility.  I know…1st Amendment, freedom of the press, buyer beware, carpe diem, keep hydrated, and all that crap.  Well, I don’t buy it.  Literally.  The point is, it’s getting more difficult to ascertain news from entertainment…take this blog for instance…  Um, yeah..it’s all good.

 

 

One thought on “Dog Consumed By Alien Tabloid!!

  1. Hi FLap: These are great observations! Kudos for tracking down these lowly articles. And good job keeping your head down and sniffing out the truth! Later, Geo

Reply here. I'll try to fit you into my busy reading schedule.

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