IPSO FLAPSO

I have been inundated recently with requests for my annual Super Bowl prediction.  Perhaps this is because I have picked the last ten Super Bowl results correctly (I’m only ten years old, so the record is even more impressive).  My formula is simple.  I use a proprietary blend of  key player horoscopes, type of deodorant used by each starting quarterback, the number and breed of dogs owned by each starting player, how many players’ names can be made into other words by switching letters around, and the number of fungal infections that have visited each team’s home locker room this season.  The key is how I apply that information.  Despite my flawless record of prognostications, I have never published my predictions.  I prefer to allow others to achieve the same sense of accomplishment as I by developing their own system.

I don’t do this for fame or fortune, although I have enjoyed both.  I do it for the intrinsic reward of witnessing the fruits of my creation.  My formula is foolproof and it is gratifying to know that accurately applying the formula to the 49ers and Ravens will, “ipso flapso”, give me the winner.  As usual, only my family and my bookie..uh..financial functionary know my prediction.  And that is how it will stay until the game is over.  Meanwhile, I’m working on a similar formula for baseball, basketball, hockey and team Scrabble competitions.

The down side of all this is that I have taken the fun and excitement out of the Super Bowl for me and my family.  Now that we know who will be victorious, all we need watch are the commercials and halftime show (of course, that is all some Super Bowl viewers ever watch).  The thrill is gone.  What price victory?

 

Reply here. I'll try to fit you into my busy reading schedule.

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