Now he’s gone too far.

In the past, my dad has subjected me to an array of humiliating, degrading and demeaning circumstances, briefly summarized in these posts.  And I, being an ardent adherent to the notion of turning the other cheek, have stoically and silently (well, almost silently) endured nearly all of his deplorable behavior…until now.

Some of you may know that I have written a book called The Adventures of Flapjack – Finding Where I Belong.  The story was dictated by me to him, and yet whose name do you think is listed as the author?  You guessed it.  I could truthfully call him a plagiarist, a thief or a scoundrel of the highest order.  But I am above slapping such labels of discredit on anyone…even a certain ersatz author who so richly deserves them.  But I ask you, does he truly believe that if he says, “Dan Cohen, author,” enough times, he’ll actually become one?  Apparently.  And that is just the beginning.

Last week, on July 24th to be precise, he appeared on a radio program (probably just walked in, uninvited, and started yapping, as is his proclivity).  The show is an intelligent and eclectic composite of interviews called Insight and it appears on Capitol Public Radio in the Sacramento area (capradio.org/insight).  It is hosted by Beth Ruyak, a highly respected, nationally known broadcaster.   And there, airing live to thousands of listeners, my dad managed to singlehandedly undercut the show’s reputation with his inane and nonsensical oratory , falsely claim that he authored my book, and then assert that I had been placed on house arrest and, therefore, could not appear on the show.

While it is true that I chewed up his favorite pair of boxer shorts, while I freely stipulate that he was wearing them at the time, and while I do not deny that I served a few moments in the proverbial dog house for my offense, I was NOT on house arrest during the show.  I could easily have appeared.  And had I appeared, I would have cleared up the “confusion” about authorship.  At the end of the interview, the very kind Ms Ruyak gave my dad a doggie treat that he was to deliver to me.  Instead, he ate it.  And I’m sure he was smirking with every bite.  Can he sink any lower?

So, now I’m sitting in the office of a successful canine rights attorney.  She assures me that I have a rock-solid case against defendant-Dad.  But I’m going to walk away from a potential fortune as a successful litigant, and resume my role as faithful dog to this thankless bonehead.  I blame myself.  If I were a better role model, he would be a better person.  So, I’ll try harder.  I’ll start by going home and slamming him on the head with MY book!